The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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