last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
are you so shy because you have an std?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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