So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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