He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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