Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
