No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
