I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
