I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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