Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize