do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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