why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
did you just send me my own nude
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
