Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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