Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just cropdusted the office
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
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Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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