I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
