Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
