ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i came on her dog
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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