there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
