...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
