Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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