I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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