she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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