I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
