there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Randomize
