She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
