just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
