so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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