Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I am naked and annoyed.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
