i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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