The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Im part way to drunk.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
