Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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