You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
