Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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