so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
