think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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