Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
