she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
