i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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