What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize