I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
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Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
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I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i out mim tonsoeep
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