Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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