I wanna bring you to show and tell
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
