I'm lost and stupid without you.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
