how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
