I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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