She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
