my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
