no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Life without a bra equals bliss.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
