I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
