I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
