I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
