Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
