I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
