mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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