watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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