I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
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The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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