im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
