I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
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we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
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i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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