in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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