you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
