I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
