Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
