you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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