Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
this is an emotional support booty call
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
