i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
