Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
