never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
