if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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